Red wine, hummus, and thou: tres cheesy!
by chilibreath
Summary: Another prompt that tested my imagination and broke the writer's block. Oneshot!


**This is my second prompt-based fic. The prompt is, again, at the bottom of this fic.**

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Cameron was just putting the finishing touches inside the room when the door to the sleep lab opened.

"Nice," House drawled as he shuffled into the direction of the large ice bucket that was placed on top of the side table. He picked up one of the two bottles that were submerged in the half-melted ice, wiped off the water with the white cloth that was lying beside the ice bucket, and read aloud, "Moshin 2005 Estate Pinot Noir, Russian River Valley."

"Two bottles for a bargain over at wineexpress DOT com," Cameron chimed in as she straightened up. She had been arranging a simple feast on the bed that consisted of various kinds of bread and vegetables, with a small bowl of spicy-smelling, red-orange hummus sitting in the middle of it all.

House smirked. "How'd you arrange all of this?"

Cameron winked seductively at him. "Secret."

House grinned and approached her. Cameron giggled and ducked as her boss reached for her, nimbly moving behind him.

House snorted and turned around to face his lovely immunologist. "Well that's not fair. You're prancing around a guy with a bum leg here. How am I supposed to do the nasty with you?"

Cameron gave him a coy look, then picked up a large duffel bag placed near the door. She opened it and picked up a very sheer and very lacy ruby red negligee. House goggled at it while Cameron shook it in front of him.

"I'll be back," Cameron whispered seductively, sashaying out of the sleep lab. "You go on ahead and eat now. I'll be back soon."

"Oh boy," House said in pretend glee, clapping his hands like an excited five-year-old. The door to the sleep lab barely closed when House dipped a wedge of pita bread into the spicy hummus.

"Haaah!"

The hummus was TOO spicy; Cameron probably took him literally about his tolerance for heat (natch!) and dumped the entire contents of powdered cayenne pepper into the dip. House limped back to the side table and grabbed the corkscrew sitting next to the ice bucket. After successfully opening the bottle, House proceeded to chug down the red wine.

"Holy secret sleep lab, Batman!"

House choked on the wine. He was dimly aware of receiving several whacks on the back as he coughed and spluttered. After five more whacks and a sore back to go with the sore leg, House recovered enough to turn around and glare at the intruder. "And you wonder why your department has a high mortality rate?" he snarled.

Wilson raised his hands. "Please believe me when I say I didn't mean to," he said in a deadpan voice. "Cuddy sent me to find you."

"And are you going to rat me out?" House asked stiffly.

"Will you share some of your food?"

House grumbled, "If it'll help you shut up." He passed the bottle to Wilson, who accepted it and, after looking around, found a plastic cup placed on the end of the bed. As Wilson poured some wine into his cup, House noticed a piece of pita bread in one of Wilson's raised hands and a small dab of red-orange hummus on his lips. Apparently, Wilson didn't wait to get House's permission first...

House didn't, COULDN'T stop looking at Wilson's lips, particularly after his friend licked the hummus off his lip, popped the rest of the pita bread into his mouth, and drank the wine.

--

On the other side, the door to the second sleep lab room opened and two women walked out of it.

"Let me guess," Cuddy drawled as she locked the door of the other room, effectively trapping the two men inside it. "You spiked the wine with the new aphrodisiac drug."

"Nope," Cameron replied in glee as she turned on the camera. "The hummus!"

The two women grinned at each other.

"I'm so going to win that $150," Cameron said.

"No way," Cuddy retorted, putting her shapely legs up on the table. "House wouldn't DARE jump on Wilson."

"Care to raise the stakes?"

"You bet!"

_Fin._

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The prompt is from tourmaline: **Cameron has planned a romantic evening for House. House is playing along cos he hasn't had a shag in ages really wants to get his end away by means other than his own hand. However he is unaware until it's too late to back out that this is really Cameron's cunning plan to get him and Wilson together at last. (Obviously, but the ending is purely mine.)**

Additional A/N: **Cuddy and Cameron's conversation at the end was _partially_ inspired by the Valley Girls outtakes. :)**


End file.
